Chapter Three: Slaying The Dreamer

        "So, Ranma... what about what your Mom said last night?"
        It was a typical school morning. Akane and Ranma were, as usual, running late. Akane ran down the street while Ranma ran atop the nearby fence.
        "What about it?"
        "Are you really going to consider it? I mean, seriously?"
        Ranma laughed derisively. "Fat chance, Akane. I know Mom's only trying to help and all, but I ain't gonna be a girl. No way, no how."
        "But then," Akane said, "you're going to have to graduate from Furikan with good grades, right? Can you really do that?"
        "Of course!" Ranma said. "Look, there's a test today, isn't there?"
        "Yes," Akane said. "A history test. The last class of the day. There’s always one on a Friday, you should know that."
        "Okay!" Ranma said, slamming his fist into his palm. "This is it! This is my challenge! If I can study for that and pass it, then that proves I don't need Mom's help to graduate."
        “You think you can do that?”
        “Of course I can!” Ranma replied, exuding confidence. “Mom’s right – all it takes is concentration! I can do anything if I set my mind to it!”
        A bicycle flew past Akane's field of vision. "Airen!" Shampoo glomped Ranma in a fierce hug.
        "Shampoo! Get off of me!"
        "You date Shampoo today, yes?"
        Several spiked and bladed objects on chains flew at Ranma, along with a duck-shaped bedpan. Ranma leaped straight up, just managed to avoid them.
        "Saotome!" a familiar voice yelled out. "Keep your hands off of my Shampoo!"
        "I didn't do nothing!" Ranma yelled back, as he landed on the fence. His feet slipped, and a second later he -- that is, she -- was sitting in the middle of the nearby stream.
        Akane just shook her head. "Good luck with that plan of yours, Ranma," she called out, before running off.

XXX

        The day did not get much better for Ranma. His newfound resolve to actually study for a test was, well, being tested. Ranma had really never taken schoolwork seriously for more than a two minute stretch at any point in his life, so the idea that he could transform into a top student overnight was a bit like expecting a zebra to suddenly grow green polka-dots instead of the usual black and white stripes. But Ranma did not know the meaning of the word "impossible". In fact, there was really no limit to the things he didn't know, which was pretty much the problem in a nutshell.
        Ranma wasted no time. Right after getting settled down during first period, he borrowed a history book from Ukyo (having no real idea where his own might be) and opened it to a random page. He'd red no more than five words, when he was interrupted by one of his so-called friends.
        "Whatcha doing, Saotome?" Hiroshi asked.
        "Studying for the history test," Ranma said.
        "No, really. What are you doing?"
        Ranma scowled. "I said, I'm studying for the history test!"
        "Whoah!" Daisuke exclaimed. "Something must be really wrong between you and Akane! What happened, huh?"
        "What are you talking about?" Ranma growled. "Nothing's happened."
        "But if you're pretending to actually study...."
        "I am not pretending!"
        "Whatever. If you don't wanna talk about it, that's cool."
        Miss Hinako glared at the three boys in question. "Talking in class? Ignoring the lecture?"
        "What lecture?" Hiroshi asked. "You were reciting a children's rhyme while spinning in circles...."
        "Delinquents! You will pay! Happo-Five-Yen Satsu!"
        "Oh, jeez," Ranma said, just as the ki-draining attack hit him.

XXX

        The rest of the morning was slightly less successful, in that Ranma failed at any point to even read as much as five words of the history book. When the lunch bell sounded, Ranma bounded out of the room with the thought that he might actually be able to study better outside on the lawn, instead of in class. This goes to show how little he was actually learning....
        "How's the studying going?" Akane asked. "As if I didn't already know...."
        "Uh, not so good," Ranma said, " but I'm just about to really get going...."
        "Ranma Honey!" Ukyo called out. "Over here! I've got an okonomiyaki made just for you!"
        "Can't," Ranma said. "I gotta study." Meanwhile his feet followed his nose unerringly to Ukyo's grill. "Well, just one," he said. "Or two. Or three. All this studying is making me hungry."
        "Whatcha studying?" Ukyo asked.
        "Ah, this stupid history test," Ranma said. "Something about an Ego Period...."
        "Edo Period?"
        "Yeah, that. I think there were some wars and stuff. I'm still working out the details..."
        "Saotome, you fiend! How dare you shun the bento offering of the precious Akane Tendo!"
        Ranma lept into the air. A wooden bokken sliced through the air, gouging the ground where Ranma had been sitting. "Sheesh, Kuno," Rama yelled. "What the heck's your problem? Akane didn't even make me a lunch today...."
        "Silence! I will not hear you slander the beauteous Akane Tendo!"
        "Who's slandering? Cripes, Kuno, I don't even gotta do or say anything to set you off anymore do I?"
        "Defend thyself, cur! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!"

XXX

        "...An' so I wan call dis here school gatherin' fo' to announce de brand new school policy! De buzz cuts for de bruddas, and de bowl cuts for de waihines! You like?"
        The gathered students stared dumbly up at the stage, where their Hawaii-obsessed principal was displaying two very familiar banners.
        "Uh... what part of this is supposed to be new, again?" Hiroshi asked.
        "I glad you ask, Brudda! I wen gon' hid a pardon f'om de rules in dis here coconut! Any brudda-sista t'row some hands wit me an' get dis nut gonna be free from de new rules!"
         "But that's exactly the same as before!" several students shouted.
        "No! De befo' time, I wan give you t'ree days! Dis time I only give you t'ree hours fo' do it!"
        Fireworks shot off from the stage. "Aloha, keikis!" the principal yelled out. "We gon' have some big-time fun now!"
        Daisuke and Hiroshi turned to Ranma, who still had his face buried in a book. "Ranma? Are you paying attention?"
        "Can't," Ranma mumbled. "Gotta study."
        "Ranma! You're going to fight him, right?"
        "No time! Gotta study."
        Hiroshi grabbed Ranma by shirt and shook him. "Ranma! he growled. "We need your help! WAKE UP!"'
        Ranma looked straight into his schoolmate's eyes. "Hiroshi?" he asked.
        "Yes?"
        "In the battle of Sekigahara in 1600, Ieyasu defeated the Hedeyori loyalists."
        Hiroshi blinked. "What?"
        "History," Ranma said. "The Evil Period. That's when this Ieyasu guy assumed total power... and became evil. I think."
        "Look, Ranma," Daisuke said. "History is all well and good, but this is serious." He pointed Ranma in the direction of the Principal, who was still cavorting about up on the stage.
        "That's right!" Hiroshi added. "You want to talk about evil? Let's talk about Principal Kuno!"
        "Aw jeez, not again," Ranma said. "Look, I gotta study for this test...."
        "It can wait!" Daisuke said. "Right now, you have a greater calling!"
        "Yes! Hiroshi said. In the name of the moon, and for the sake of our hair, you must punish him!"

XXX

        Clearly, P.E. was the one class unsuitable for cramming for a test. At least, most students would have realized this, but Ranma was growing increasingly desperate, and forged ahead. Even while walking through the locker room, wearing nothing but a towel about his waist, he still had his head buried deep in a book....
        *SPLASH*
        "Oh no! Sorry Ranma! I guess that bucket of cold water just slipped out of my hands!"
        "Before he could even get dressed, too. Talk about tragic!"
        "I guess I'm just clumsy that way!"
        Ranma glanced up only long enough to say, "Idiot. You got Ukyo's history book all wet." Then she continued on to her locker, still reading furiously.
        Hiroshi and Daisuke glanced at each other, and then back to Ranma's buxom and very exposed chest.
        "Uh... yeah," Daisuke said. "What was I thinking?"

XXX

        The last period of the day approached, and Ranma was no closer to being an expert on the Edo Period than he'd ever been. He turned to the one person he always turned when absolutely, hopelessly desperate.
        "Nabiki!" Ranma said. "I need help. I need a place to study quietly, so I can pass this test next period!"
        Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Sure, Ranma," she said. "Whatever you want."
        "Thanks, Nabiki! I...."
        Nabiki held out her hand. "For only 10,000 yen," she added.
        "What? I ain't got 10,000 yen!"
        "Well, that's too bad," Nabiki said. "Good luck on the test, then...."
        "No! Wait! I can owe you...."

XXX

        Ranma stared at the history test in growing horror. He'd studied, hadn't he? This time he hadn't just pretended to study, he had really tried. So why weren't the answers coming to him?
        He scanned the test, desperately trying to think of answers to the questions in front of him. "Ieyasu's rise to power in 1600 signaled the beginning of what period in Japanese history?" Damn, he knew that one. What was it? It started with an E... Oh that's right! The Emo Period!
        Ranma quickly jotted down the answer, then looked at it in satisfaction. Why, this wasn't so hard! All of his studying had paid off after all!
        He stared at another question. "What Emperor was the Meiji Restoration named after?" Ranma's satisfied grin faded. Damn! How was he supposed to know that? Ranma wracked his brain, trying to think of the name of an emperor... any emperor. He seemed to recall one from a movie he'd seen recently... what was it? Oh yeah! Emperor Palpatine!
        Quickly he jotted down the answer, then stared at it critically. Well, at least that was an emperor. Hopefully it was the right one, but if not, he should get partial credit for remembering the name of one of the other emperors. Now, on to the next question....

Chapter 4